The Bright Side: The Recession

We here in the United States are living in a hectic time when people can no longer afford to eat Grey Poupon on their croissants or bathe in their golden showers. Car window cleaning by the homeless has become a luxury and sex has replaced the expensive dinner date at Carl's Jr.

It's truly no wonder why the citizens of this fine country are in peril. Who'se to blame? It doesn't matter. Here's why:

1.) Parents can raise their children!



That's right! There won't be any more socially retarded individuals entering society because mommy and daddy will be right there to show them the ropes to life. Since nobody has a job, these parents can spend more time at home! MTV, Disney and the Spice Channel (that's what I grew up on) won't be poisoning the minds of our youth. Instead, the newly recessed parents can stop their daughter before she turns into a tween slut with her Hannah Montana apparel and over-exposed belly button. 50 Cent and Lil' Wayne won't be convincing Timmy of Redding, CA to be a gangbanger because his loving parents will be right there to turn that little thug into a successful accountant!


2.) Slackers have an excuse for being unemployed.



If you've been unemployed for years then don't let that deter you from blaming the economy. That awkward question of, "What do you do for a living?" will no longer embarrass you at the bar because everyone understands the situation we're all in. So go ahead and continue leveling your World of Warcraft death knight to lvl 80. I hear the expansion pack is awesome. You only play so much because the economy sucks and you can't find a job right? The answer is YES!


3.) You can watch The Price is Right!



Remember when you had to go to your job and NOT watch The Price Is Right? Well, thank the recession for conveniently placing you out of work so that you can cheer for Myrtle as she attempts to win a new washing machine from Plinko. Not to mention that Bob Barker is the best game show host in the world! Oh wait...Drew uh...that big guy with the glasses took over. Shit. At least Lucky Charms taste great no matter what you're watching. Oh right... you had to cut that out of your budget and eat Sunny Select Unfrosted Mini-Wheats instead. Ouch.



4.) There are always poorer people than you to make you feel better.



Remember the Tsunami that happened a few years ago? Let's not forget the starving people all over the world. Heck, just walking by a homeless guy should cheer you up. So you can't pump gas into your Hummer. Bummer. Take a walk through the park and enjoy the scenery. You won't be seeing your face on a television ad with a missionary in Somalia asking to donate money to you to keep you alive, but you do get to twitter to your friends about how much being in this recession sucks!






Cheer up, guys! The recession ain't so bad! Besides, I hear there's openings for door-to-door vacuum sales!


-Andrew