Titty Bars

On cold, dark, and lonely nights, men from all over the world gather in a place that has become home to friendly women who excite their audiences with electrifying pole stunts, wearing less clothing than orphans, and rump-shaking so powerful it could start a tsunami in Asia. These magical places are most commonly referred to as "strip clubs" or "titty bars". You're walking into a new world when you go into a titty Bar; It's almost like walking into Narnia.

Titty Bars: Happiness for $20 or more

If you're a little unsure about visiting your local T and A attendants, here's a few reasons to push you over the stage.

You Get To Wear Cool Clothes

It's a common trend in strip clubs for men to wear these awesome trench coats. Men who rock this fashion are also quite comfortable. Whenever it gets nippy inside the room you can always put your hands in your coat. I just don't understand why some guys at these titty bars have so many used tissues around them when the coat is so warm! Trench coats are meant to prevent colds.

You Can Get Rid of Your Unwanted $1 Bills

It gets really annoying when you have to carry all those loose $1s and break those $20s. Some people would get a burger, but (when you pay break a 20 tax) it ends up being $1.07. Strippers don't lie. When you make it rain on the stage, these ladies won't give you dimes and nickels to jingle in your pockets. Instead you get a facial massage with those fabulous milk ducts.

It's Cheaper Than Dance Classes

Face it. You're no Tom Delay. At best you're like Carlton. For that reason, you can get your hands on an experienced professional dancer for ten times less than the cost of a class! Usher uses a chair for his dancing, so why can't you?

Your Wife/Girlfriend Supports It

Don't be a jerk. Take your girlfriend with you! A good girlfriend would love to make you as happy as you make her. The great thing is most titty bars will give her a free shirt for exploring her inner party girl with the audience. At the very least, you get gas money from all the tips she'll be getting while being on stage.

I hope you now know why you should love strip clubs. Appreciate the simple things that make such an experience so pleasant. Put a titty in your face.

-Andrew

Check out next Thursday when I discuss Penis Bars!